That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
