On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
