I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
