Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
