omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Everclear isn't food dammit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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