MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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