what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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