I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
