Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
