Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
