I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This house was built for laser tag.
Sober January is a disaster.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
