he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i believe in u and ur pee
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
