Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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