I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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