I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
