I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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