i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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