Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
