apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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