wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
