ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
