Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
