Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
