I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
