Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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