Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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