god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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