She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
