so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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