'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
