u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
