I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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