the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
