I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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