He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
