So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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