Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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