AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
