so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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