i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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