I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
