i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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