your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's always time for handjobs
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
