I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
