Your dad touched me again.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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