what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
