If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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