Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
