dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
