And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
