tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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