is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just forgot I was standing up.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
