Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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